Fire

Do you have that fire in your heart?
Can you feel the pain which comes with it?
Do you sulk but keep going??
How far is never a question, because you have no time to think about it.
I see myself and think- what is my fire about, what is that I do which protects that fire that loving pain within me.
There are fires which burn people, there fires which drive people, there are fires which make people live in the darkness of night with sulking, burning hearts for one thing or another.
But the people who love this fire know to take on life, they know the power of fire outside and within; they challenge its deadliness and play with it like magician.
There are professions which are built around these fire fighters, soldiers, doctors, mountaineers- I don’t know how those human coexist with this burning reality of life. In a moment I may call it ugly face of life but that fire, that pain makes us more of human; by breaking open all vulnerably that exist within us facing mirror of life.
If life ever allows us to move away from this fire- you suffocate by absence of it, is it like an addiction?
You start loving the high of that trauma, that pain, that fierce passion and utterly complex chemical creation which runs the blood flow in your body on those uncontrollably challenging life moments. Some time they are yours-very personal and self integrated to your soul; for others – they are of someone not related to you.
That very moment the sensory excitement establishes a randomly unexplainable connection- which leaves your gasping with air hunger and hyper active with the chemicals running through your nerves, blood stream at same time.
What is it that makes us so strong in that moment even when we can practically sense our heart burning?
I don’t know- how that immense degree of restlessness and strength coexists!!
How that moment wins but dilutes us in pain with the us behind mask of fighter!!
Wait a sec, Is it all that what we had in us for years?
Then why some of us never feel that sense of fierceness and other do. Why some of us go to the tipping point of life and recover and some go down with psychological disorders.
Why they say- he/she is made up of different soil and if so, why he/ she never knew about properties of their soil until they reached that tipping point.
Do some people keep fighting that inner & outer fire til that over glorious last breath; while burning inside with worldly concerns of unknown humans?
Why those social workers cost their lives for people they never met before; do only some of us are made up of that soil to bleed for someone who are not bound to us by human created definitions of relations.
And if so, what are those hearts like who can never see others pain. What is soil that makes murderers, rapist and terrorists? Or it is just a different fire and selective pain analyzer fed into their brain sensors.
Human brain fascinates me!! but that stupid blood pumping machine fitted in our body for all wrong(right) reasons seem like an emotion controller. Why your chest pounds when you are in emotional mishaps (I know! I know!-the brain controlled chemical rush blah blah).
“I feel” term is not scientific enough but maybe it is!!
That one stupid feeling can make your world go around or make world go around you.
Not really sure if any of this really makes sense, But it FEELS like it does!!